


Aftermath

by buffylovezsupercat



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21625768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffylovezsupercat/pseuds/buffylovezsupercat
Summary: The Crisis has passed and Barry's still alive but his life has been irreparably affected. And after leaving Caitlin and his apartment for a possible last time Barry goes for a run and remembers how his marriage to Iris came to an end and how he ended up living with Caitlin Snow.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen/Caitlin Snow
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I've actually finished this. It's taken me months to write this but I've done it. My first Flash fic. 
> 
> I apologize for the poor grammar or typos in advance. This hasn't been beta'd or proofread.

The room was softly lit by the dimmed light coming from the adjacent room bathing the single occupant of the bed. Lighting her up as if she herself was emitting a golden ethereal light, and to Barry Allen’s perspective she was. 

He watched as the brunette slept peacefully and through the darkness he could almost fool himself that he could see her chest rising and lowering. 

He smiled and leaned back on the chair he had taken over minutes after the brunette had fallen asleep. 

He couldn’t remember how many times he had taken this position as she would get ready in the mornings and at nights when completing her nightly routine before bed or before they would settle in for a long night and distressing with Netflix as their companion. 

If Central City thought the Flash was their savior on account of everything he did for the city’s safety then the brunette would be his. 

The woman who has stood by him through thick and thin patching him up & putting him back together; who had accepted him despite of his mistakes and had never left his side and even when she did she never went far because she stood with his own darkness keeping him company.

Who didn’t let her own personal tragedies keep her away and whose darkness couldn’t kill him even when she was near the precipice of that abyss. So if he was the city’s savior then Caitlin Snow was his. 

And Barry still couldn’t really believe that he was the only person alive who she trusted enough to let her guard down and let him in. 

After a few more minutes of just looking at her, he stood up, the gold of his suit catching the light and bathing Caitlin in it even further, and headed to her bedroom door to leave.

And just as he was about step through the door frame; he felt the effects of leaving Flashtime buzz through his spine. And just like that as he was about to shut the door behind him, he heard her breathing flutter for a second before his name fell from her lips in a whimper. 

Freezing for a moment in stunned surprise Barry turned back to glance one last time at Caitlin before a forlorn bitter smile crossed his lips and a pang in his chest made him take a deep breath to steel himself once again. And just like that he closed the door gently feeling the pressure of the speedforce shift behind him before he pulled his cowl on and flashed out of the apartment.

The minute his feet touched the familiar streets of Central City, Barry’s mind ran from him. 

Running always was a therapeutic experience for the speedster. Running at those high speeds always seemed to slow down his thoughts which was; either a blessing or a curse depending on his state of mind. Right now it felt more like the latter.

Specially after having left the brunettes apartment knowing that it could possibly be the last time he would see her. 

And now as he passed all the familiar sights; the buildings, parks, alleys, warehouses and restaurants, in the city he swore to protect, all the memories hit him one right after the next making him relive every little decision that led him to running away from the woman who he learned to love too late. 

And no matter how fast the memories came or how fleeting they ought to have been his brain was able to process them all and remember them all with vivid detail. One of the many abilities his speed force powers granted him.

Years of memories all with the same starting point. All of them the product of the same catalyst. The Newspaper Article from the future, that Eobard Thawne had left behind. 

The very one that foretold his death and lead to him basing a majority of his most important decisions on. The one that dictated his life and made him ignore the many other possibilities. 

Which made him chuckle briefly at his hypocrisy. He himself had preached earlier in their friendship to Caitlin, that sometimes great possibilities are right in front of them but they don’t see them because they choose not to. All the while he ignored his feelings for her and tried to instead follow his inevitable future. 

A future he believed to have been written in stone because of that article. The same one that should have showed him that time wasn’t set but could be interchangeable for the better. 

And it all didn’t really make sense to him that he could learn to live outside that article until he lost his future daughter. Loosing her made him realize that so many things that should have been heartbreaking maybe happened for the better. And her being erased from time wouldn’t have happened if that article hadn’t dictated his life and the life of his friends and family. 

Nora came back to save him from disappearing during the crisis that left her fatherless and with a cold mother who kept her at arms length and lied to her, her whole life. But in the process she ended up freeing his mortal enemy, erasing herself from the timeline and ending his marriage.

Barry grasped onto those early memories of the summer after Nora’s disappearance that led to his separation and unavoidable divorce.

After they had returned Barry couldn’t handle the loss. In his short life he had lost so much, starting with the loss of his mother and then his father rounding out to his daughter, that he felt he would fall apart. 

It specially hurt because if Iris and he would have another child it wouldn’t be Nora, it wouldn’t be the girl he learned to love. And he hated himself because just thinking about having a version of Nora; he would ask himself if he’d be able to love her unconditionally without expecting or comparing her to the version he met. 

If he could see this new child and not put expectations that could be met by them and have them resent him for unknowingly forcing them into those expectations.

So in the end Barry Allen did what he did best in emotional situations. He closed himself off from his family and threw himself into his job at CCPD and being the Flash. 

Which meant spending the majority of his days at his lab running tests & writing reports and his nights at Star Labs chasing metas and stopping break-ins.

But luckily he had help in the form of his one constant, the one person who could read him like an open book, but never pushed him to talk before he was ready to. Who stayed by his side and was ready to listen to him with no judgments. His very own personal physician and partner behind the scenes and in the field; Caitlin Snow. 

And you couldn’t forget the third member who completed Team Flash; Cisco Ramon. Although Cisco spent most of his time readjusting to non-meta status and building his relationship with his photographer girlfriend Kamilla Hwang.

So most days for the majority of the months in summer he spent it with Caitlin and Cisco returning to their same camaraderie and easy chemistry of their earlier years when it was just them three. And not just in the lab and during meta attacks but also outside of STAR Labs as they would hang out, the three of them accompanied by Kamilla, going to bars, art shows, Jitters or big belly burger. 

Barry knew that Iris would be busy getting her newspaper up and running to the standard she wanted it to. So he used that as a way to excuse Iris from any of their gatherings and he knew that it was a pretty horrible thing to do. And that eventually it would come back and bite him in the ass. Which it did much later than he thought it would but it happened.

Stopping his thoughts as well as himself Barry braced himself from the next memory. Taking deep breaths he bent down to brace his hands on his knees so he could calm that familiar pang in his chest that came from thinking about the night his marriage truly fell apart. It was always hard and more so now that he had just lost, not just his first marriage to his childhood love but also the woman who he knew was his soulmate. The memory was always hard and he knew that his body always led him back to where it had all come to an end. In the same place his marriage began and ended. 

Straightening up Barry looked to the opening of the alley he had stopped to have his mini anxiety attack and sure enough there was his old building, the window of his old apartment blanketed in darkness. He knew for certain that the apartment was empty. But he could still picture how it used to look that day that Iris finally confronted him and made him realize the life he had before, had changed him and he didn’t like the man he had become. And no amount of therapy would convince him to go back now.

SB*SB*SB*SB*SB*SB

Summer 2019 Central City, Allen’s Residence 

It was nearing 2 in the afternoon that Saturday when he had broken off from the team’s biweekly coffee meet at Jitters and had returned back to the apartment to pack a bag and shower. He was going to go after a few leads, with Caitlin’s help, that might hopefully keep him out of the apartment for the rest of the weekend. 

He didn’t really want to run into Iris this weekend until he was sure she had cooled off after the calmly worded voice mail he had received the day before. He knew it was his fault that she was angry. He knew that he should have talked to her about his avoidance of any type of therapy. He didn’t feel like going back to that setting because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to talk around the issue without loosing it, breaking down and compromising his secret identity. 

Barry knew that the sessions were very important for Iris. They had worked for her this time, they had worked for them both a few years back but he couldn’t afford to unpack all those feelings and thoughts. He wasn’t ready and it wasn’t fair for Iris who has been patiently waiting for him to come around.

He knew that she was getting restless and frustrated to the point that any explosive anger she had been directing at him in the past few weeks had become an eerily calm fury. So he needed to buy himself more time so he could formulate a way to talk to her without unloading all that baggage and destroying any chance of future friendship if their relationship happened to end. 

So as he walked out of the kitchen with a Gatorade in one hand and a container of leftovers, he froze as his gaze met Iris’. 

“Hey, uh, what are – I mean don’t you have that sewage overflow deadline due soon? I thought you’d be at your office.” Barry asked Iris as she kept giving him a cool look face unflinchingly calm. 

A look he knew would stick in his memory for the rest of his life. A look that definitely said that whatever came next there was no way his marriage would survive the inevitable blow-up.

“That deadline’s been finished for over a month Barry. And you would have known that if you had bothered not running off every time I walked into the apartment or Star Labs. If you didn’t do everything in your power to lie to me about keeping appointments or your whereabouts.” Iris pointed out to him. Her voice going from calm to slightly hysterical. “What is wrong with you Barry? I’m trying to fix this, whatever this is that’s come between us and you’re not cooperating. A relationship depends on two people Barry.”

Putting down the food and drink on the nearest flat surface Barry ran a hand through his hair before resting at the nape in the back. “I haven’t really lied to you.”

“You haven’t lied; you haven’t…Jesus, Barry.” Iris finally exploded, as she sprung up from the bottom step of the stairs and stalked towards the speedster who flinched. “You’ve done nothing but lie to me for months now. I saw you at Jitters today with Caitlin. You had your appointment today and instead I see you the most carefree you’ve been in the past month and a half and having the time of your life with another woman.”

“Wha- Another woman, jeez, are you for real? You think I’m what cheating on you with one of my two best friends? We were just having a cup of coffee after a very early morning alarm that needed the Flash and Frost out in the field. So that’s what you saw. And if you had waited longer then you’d have seen Cisco and Kamilla come in and join us.”

“How do you want me to know that if you haven’t talked to me properly outside of text chat or short voicemails? And if seeing that didn’t make me feel like crap; then the call I got from Dr. Finkle’s office today telling me that my husband had missed or rescheduled enough appointments and that they were going to be unable to keep him as a patient anymore, really did it. So there are lie number one and two, right there. And it’s not just the lies Barry it’s the breach of trust.”

“Look I’m sorry, Iris. I know I messed up and that I should have told you about the appointments but I couldn’t find a way of telling you that I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now but I was scared of making you mad and – 

“You were afraid of making me mad? What the hell kind of thought process is that Barry? Because that wouldn’t have made me mad. As long as you had explained yourself it would have been ok. But if you’re worried that I would be angry at you for admitting that then you don’t have anything to worry about it now, because I’m not angry now, no, I’m pissed off right now. You lied about work events, about Star Labs, about Flash business and not just to me but even to the team, Barry. I know that you’ve been avoiding me because I saw you today And don’t you try to give me any excuses for the lies because I only want the truth, now!” Iris demanded with her eyes blazing with barely suppressed fury.

“What do you want me to say right now then, if you don’t want my excuses. What do you need me to tell you that won’t ruin whatever fragile link between us that’s been holding by a thread for months? How did you expect me to talk to you and bare myself emotionally when you’ve made it perfectly clear that my feelings and pain matter so little to you if at all?” Barry exploded at his wife finally allowing the frustration that had been accumulating for months out.

“What are you talking about? Of course I care Barry; I’ve never done anything but stand by your side. Meta after meta, Crisis after Crisis, I’ve been there. Even after you left me and sacrificed yourself into the speedforce. I was there to lead team flash knowing I had to quit my job to help pick up the slack that was left after you ran off. So don’t tell me that I don’t care or that I’ve belittled your feelings because I’ve never for once in –

“Never! Are you really listening to yourself right now, Iris? Or do you only remember events in a warped twisted version that only favors your opinion and views making you feel that you’re always right? This is the second time you’ve thrown my going into the speedforce like if it was at all an option. 

“And what does quitting your job in any way or form my fault. I never asked you to do that after I supposedly left you. I remember telling you to live your life, Iris, I never told you to live mine! So don’t put that on me. Don’t put the fact that you willingly gave up your career because with me gone you knew you wouldn’t have been a part of team flash unless you forced your way in. And please, let’s not forget that you point blank told me that my mother’s brutal murder by Thawne didn’t even matter to you. I made a decision that by all rights needed to be done. I had to send Nora back because she couldn’t be trusted and – 

“And you didn’t let me say goodbye to her Barry. You didn’t let me hold her one last time. You took that away from us, from ME! And look at what happened to her. We lost her, Barry, we lost our daughter. And all you’re moaning about is that I didn’t take your side when you took my daughter away and led her back to Thawne and her death.”

SB*SB*SB*SB*SB*SB

Snapping his eyes shut and recoiling at the memories of that night Barry tried to suppress them again knowing full well that the words that followed didn’t help in strengthening his marriage and instead led to its inevitable end. 

Taking off into a run again Barry willed himself to forget that day. He tried as hard as possible to stop thinking about the day that altered his life. But the blissful void his mind had retreated into lasted just a handful of minutes before he passed STAR Labs and a memory broke through. A memory he was all too happy to relieve; of the light that was able to break through his darkness to save him. The only good memory that came out of that dreary weekend. His Savior coming to his rescue, his Caitlin always saving him.

SB*SB*SB*SB*SB*SB

Summer 2019 Central City, STAR Labs Lounge

He was laying in the STAR Labs lounge surrounded by boxes and wrappers of fast food. Wallowing in the knowledge of his separation from his wife and possible divorce when he heard his name. 

Startled at the sudden exclamation he attempted to jump out of the couch to face the owner of the voice. Unfortunately for him, Barry ended up tangled in his blankets on the ground. He was dazed long enough for a hand to grip his shoulder and guide him into a sitting position. Gaining a bit of equilibrium he turned to the brunette crouched beside. 

“Cait, what are you doing here?”

”Well, I'm just stopping in to pick up some papers.” Caitlin paused as she took in the condition of the room her gaze stopping at the duffels resting at the end of the couch. “And I’d ask the same but by the look of this place, it seems that you’ve moved in.”

Once able to untangle himself, Barry jumped to his feet. And the second he was able to stand on steady legs the speedster offered his hand to help the geneticist rise from her crouched position. 

“I haven’t, I’m just, well,” Barry hesitated as he ran a hand through his unruly bed hair grimacing a bit, “I’m almost positive that there’s a ghost in my kitchen so I couldn’t stay there with it haunting the place.”

Caitlin tried as best as she could to keep the incredulity from showing on her face. The Geneticist remained stoic as Barry tried seemed to focus his attention on the ground. Which allowed her the chance to take a careful look at the speedster before she made her decision. 

“So, do you need me to call Cisco so we can plan on how to build ourselves a Proton Gun and go, as Cisco might say, Ghostbustin’?” Caitlin asked the now baffled speedster.

It took Barry nearly half a minute of staring at the brunette before his brain finally understood what Caitlin was doing. Which made him smile; an action he thought he would be unable to feel after what had happened with Iris the day before.

“Yeah, that is something he would say. But not something I’d have expected of you Dr. Snow.” 

“Well when your two best friends are pop culture nerds, you tend to pick up a thing or two. And watching a Ghostbusters marathon was never something I’d have thought I’d do in my lifetime.”

“Yeah, it would be fun seeing if Cisco could build us a Proton Gun but, you know there’s no ghost right?”

“Yeah, I know, but I also know that you’re not ready to talk about whatever has you seeking refuge on that stiff lumpy couch. And if I’d have to guess it’s probably got to do with whatever has kept you from going home these past few months other than to shower and nap. But like I said you don’t have to talk until you’re ready to.”

“You’ve noticed that I’ve been avoiding going to the apartment? I thought no one had. Why haven’t you said anything?”

“Barry, of course I have and so has Cisco. He actually wanted to confront you but I talked him out of that. I knew that you weren’t ready talk about what happened in the future with Nora and Thawne. But you needed something else besides work and Flash duty to keep you from burning out. So, instead we deliberated and thought that instead of leaving you alone we should just stand by you and remind you that you’re not alone.” Caitlin said as she chewed on her bottom lip.

And with those last words Barry truly felt for the first time in a long, long while that he wasn’t alone. Feeling all of his worries lifting off his mind and chest, Barry crossed the small distance between him and Caitlin and wrapped his arms around her smaller form.

“Thanks, Cait. I don’t know what to say other than; Thank you for always understanding.” 

“You don’t have to thank me. As your friend and personal physician it’s my job to know you, Barry.” Caitlin murmured into his shoulder her.

Pulling back from Caitlin, Barry turned to the couch and pulled the rumpled blankets and flung them to the back and offered her a seat; as he sat down as well, head leaned back onto the back of the couch. 

And the moment he felt the couch dip slightly with her weight he knew he wanted to talk to her and tell her everything. 

“It’s not just because you’re my friend or doctor, Cait. I’ve had Iris after me trying to get me to talk when I wasn’t ready too. And I understand that she was worried because the last time I shut myself down I created Flashpoint. But I just wished that she would have at least trusted me more. That after the consequences of Flashpoint and Nora,” Barry stumbled a bit at his daughter’s name but the small cool hand that found it’s way into his gave him the strength to push through; “being sent back by Thawne I would have known better. I mean when Nora and I went back on the scavenger hunt through the team's past I was the one who was against going. And it was Iris who convinced me to go. But she couldn’t just let me process and figure out when I was ready to talk.”

“You said it Barry. She was worried about you. She was probably afraid that she’d loose you too.”

“But she didn’t have too. I reassured her, Cait, I reminded her that I loved her and I wouldn’t leave her. I stood by her and I held her as she cried at nights and comforted her when she needed to talk. And when she’d try to make me talk about my feelings; I would tell her I wasn’t ready to talk, that I needed time. But she didn’t listen. I know that I wasn’t the only one who lost a daughter that day. But I needed time and instead of taking my wishes into consideration she kept sending me to Dr. Finkle. I didn’t talk her out of going herself but she kept pushing me and at some point instead of trying to make her understand that I didn’t want to see a shrink I pulled away.”

“Barry.”

“Yeah, I know I was wrong to throw myself into work so I wouldn’t have the time to go home but I wasn’t getting through to her. And I wasn’t really looking to pile up any major argument between us specially knowing that we were still so sensitive. Which really backfired on me horribly.”

Caitlin didn’t say anything for the longest time, and Barry was about a millisecond away from pulling his hand out of hers and contemplating if the ramifications of erasing the last few minutes; when her soft voice broke the silence.

“If you don’t want to answer, then you don’t have to but is that why you’ve spent the night here and had us not come in for the weekend. You and Iris had an argument yesterday and you’re giving her space?”

“It wasn’t just an argument. I mean, it was bad, Cait, really bad. I’ve never seen her so angry at me. Even after I took Nora back to her time it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. It,” Barry sighed as he took the strength he needed to continue from the hand still gripped in his. “she said things that can’t be forgotten, forgiven maybe someday, but not forgotten. Hell, I did too. I don’t thi-I know that things can’t be like they were before and to tell you the truth, I don’t know if things will ever get better.”

“Oh, Barry, I don’t know what to say. I mean, there’s nothing that I can say. I’m not really equipped to counsel you on marriage when we’ve both have seen how all of my relationships have ended up. And before you even start apologizing we both know that Ronnie’s death wasn’t your fault and like I’ve said before, Barry, I don’t blame you for losing him. But the only thing I can do is just be here for you, Barry. That’s the only thing I can offer right now. Well that and maybe a place to stay.” 

“You don’t have to, Cait. I don’t want to put you out by having me there. I’m sure I could find something temporary. I just came here because well I felt like I needed to burn out some extra energy in the speed lab.”

“You wouldn’t be an inconvenience on me, Barry. And like you said you need something temporary and I’m sure that staying at Cisco’s right now wouldn’t be the smartest of choices now that he’s in a relationship. Plus it'll actually be nice having someone else in the apartment and I do have a spare room you can use. So, what do you say?”

“Well, when you put it that way, what more can I say other than, if I butter your toast in the morning are you going to get mad?” 

“Butter my…wait was that supposed to be a yes?” 

“Yeah, it was.”

SB*SB*SB*SB*SB*SB

Speeding up Barry smiled at the memory. One of the many he will always hold dear to his heart. Specially, of later that night after he finished bearing out his heart to her and how she just listened and never once judged him. Of telling her about Cisco loosing it cause he’d buttered his toast. And of Caitlin, happily pulling him off the couch and ordering him to clean the lounge and shower before meeting her at her lab, so they could head to her apartment so he could drop off his bags. 

Of the memories they made together in the apartment; of the rollercoaster events that they kept experiencing throughout the next five months. Events that led him here and that he had to finally come to terms to. The same ones that made him have to force himself to leave her in his past but always keep her in his heart. He knew that he couldn’t forget her, his Cait, the woman who lost so much but never stopped caring or sacrificing herself for others.

So as he ran away from her, away from his past he kept remembering.

Every event that almost broke them; from Caitlin loosing her mother to the inevitable Crisis that had arrived years early.

He remembered the adjustments of those few weeks after he moved in with Caitlin; with most of it having to do with not knowing who was going to walk out of her room on any morning. But eventually becoming friends with Frost and soon living with Caitlin and Frost feeling natural; especially when they both learned to share Caitlin’s body and Frost wasn’t kept locked away. But unfortunately the semi peacefulness didn’t last.

Remembering when bodies started to pile up and not long after that a new meta by the name of Bloodwork appearing. A meta who, the team had learned was an old colleague and friend of Caitlin’s by the name of Ramsey Rosso. 

Barry remembered how he comforted Caitlin and held her as she cried after every confrontation. How their relationship began to change. How the night when Caitlin tried to reach out to Rosso, he almost lost her. How he couldn’t help but realize that night that he didn’t know what he’d do if that ever happened. 

That very night he held her trying to not think about almost losing Cait but about how he felt closer to her and not just as friends but potentially something more. And yet how he knew that nothing could really happen between them so long as he remained married. 

He remembered the talk he had with Iris later on, that led to both admitting that their marriage was leading them nowhere. Instead of evolving and growing together for the better their marriage was instead turning them into people they weren’t happy with. And together they decided to end the marriage and maintain a familial and professional relationship instead.

And for the first time in years Barry remembered feeling lighter and ready to face anything life threw at him as he tried to understand his feelings for Caitlin.

But then life decided to test Barry’s newfound optimism by the form of a visit from a powerful being; The Monitor, who came bearing life altering news for him and the team. News of the impending Crisis they had read about in the newspaper article from the future arriving earlier than reported. And with its imminent arrival it wouldn’t just lead to the fight of their lives and Barry’s disappearance as they once thought, but his death. 

Barry remembered how he tried to bury his anxiety and anger about his impending death with optimism. He remembered clearly how Caitlin stood by him in those days after they found out about his death. 

And how during those days his death wasn’t really in his mind, but instead it was his new realization that he was falling deeper for his friend and roommate. And it was these thoughts that invaded his mind in bigger intervals than his upcoming death. 

But they lasted a few days before they became forgotten; when Tannhauser Industries was attacked by Bloodwork. And out the many casualties that became a part of Rosso’s zombies, was Dr. Carla Tannhauser, Caitlin’s mother. A blow dealt by Bloodwork to Caitlin, as he wanted her to understand there was more no more humanity in him. 

He remembered the frost that covered the cemetery that mid October morning seemed out of place at the time. But later on so indicative and foretelling of Caitlin’s mood for the months to come; as they stood around the open grave watching the empty casket being lowered. 

Barry remembered standing by Caitlin throughout the service and even for hours after; offering comfort and companionship, as she stood there staring at the newly formed mound of dirt. Unmoving and unflinchingly still, stoic mask in place as she watched the two graves of her parents sitting side by side; one hours fresh and the other still enough the it was still setting.

Barry remembered Caitlin pulling herself away emotionally from the team and how he let her. She came in every day and helped in the lab and out in the field when needed, but every second that she wasn’t needed she locked herself in her personal lab a few floors below the cortex doing god knew what. Barry, Cisco, Kamilla and Ralph trying hard to reach out to her after giving her ample enough time to grieve but Caitlin and Frost both kept Barry and the others at arms length. 

Both Caitlin and Frost became unreachable even to Barry at home, so much so that he sometimes felt that they spent more time at Star Labs than they did at home. It had gotten to the point that Barry felt like starting many a text apologizing to Iris for making her feel this hurt and neglected, every day that Caitlin or Frost didn’t come home. 

But even after months, that emotional distance she placed between herself and Team Flash Caitlin never failed to show up and help deal with Bloodwork. And it was after a particular attack Rosso made against Barry that the sweet caring doctor he remembered made a reappearance just in time to save him. He still remembered the impassioned words she whispered into his ear as Caitlin and not Frost hugged him taking the risk of possible infection. 

Words that reached Barry deep into the recess of his mind that Rosso had imprisoned him in. Words that he feigned not remembering in the days and months after; but secretly wished he could let her know that he loved her as more than a friend. But he couldn’t tell her any of his true feelings while his death taunted him by drawing nearer and no progress having been made thus far. Barry couldn’t do that to Caitlin, he couldn’t put that burden on her; specially after all the losses life has dealt her. 

But in the end Bloodwork was defeated by them together with the help of Cisco and Ralph. All thanks to the serum provided by Caitlin, who had been working on it all along to help eradicate not only the dark matter in Rosso’s body but also the meta gene in one fell swoop destroying Bloodwork. 

SB*SB*SB*SB*SB*SB

Barry snapped his focus back to the present yet again, noticing that he was nearing Central City’s south side area where many of the city’s dive bars where located. One in particular that he held close to his chest because of the amazing night that he spent with Caitlin in those early months as the Flash. The night that instead of staking out for the teleporter meta Shawna Baez at The Press Box they, mostly Caitlin, spent it drinking and doing impromptu Karaoke.

Holding onto that memory as he neared the bar, Barry almost lost himself in the memory of that night but a familiar movement in front of him made him take a sharp turn into an alley. Barely missing the telltale dark smoke and its maker; Barry figured out it was time to head back home before he got caught. So with one last lap through the city the Flash neared the apartments he and Caitlin once shared before the telltale time portal opened before him; pulling him in.

Barry knew what images where going to bombard him as he was going to prepare to exit it and no matter what, he knew that he couldn’t close his eyes and ignore them. Barry could never insult Caitlin’s memory by ignoring her sacrifice. And not once in the handful of times he’s traveled back to visit her has he ever ignored those last moments he had with her. And just as he saw his timeline approaching fast he saw that day again and knew he had to focus on it; he couldn’t loose himself in the pain of that day, else he run past his timeline.

As the images began to become clearer he saw the ground littered with the battered but breathing bodies of his friends and new allies; bathed in the unnatural red tint of the sky. He saw the speed force and the Monitor talking to those still conscious and standing, offering them hope. He saw image Barry and Oliver arguing about who was going to sacrifice themselves. He saw Caitlin hugging him as he had just convinced Oliver he still had a wife and child he needed to live for. 

He saw as image Barry was being held upright by Oliver as Caitlin stood before them two injectors laying at her feet; one that she’d used on him to temporarily paralyze him and the other that she’d used on herself. He saw as the Barry in the image helplessly watched Caitlin turn from them and took off running as blue lightning streaked behind her. 

He saw as the image Barry now stood before the light snow covered ground of Central City’s cemetery looking at the three stones that stood next to each other. Standing where the memory of the woman, he never got to confess his love to, was laid to rest next to her parents. 

And just as tears were starting to cloud his eyes he saw the exit into his timeline. Running through it he came out at the front of the Star Labs building, where he came to a full stop in front of the tall statue that stood welcoming anyone who came to pay their respects. 

Barry looked up at the statue that portrayed both sides of Dr. Caitlin Snow. The Metahuman Geneticist stood tall smiling warmly, wearing her Frost costume under a lab coat, both arms at her side, left hand taut as a small mist of cold flows from it, while her right hand held her trusty pen light illuminating all who looked at her. 

Lowering his head he sniffs a bit and wipes the tears from his face; when at the pedestal of the statue he sees the plaque that rests there. He smiles at the words written there remembering the day she said them to him and the team and the reason behind them.

“She was always such a bleeding heart. No matter how cold Caitlin wanted to portray herself as, she was always taking in the strays; not caring if they were a work in progress.”

“Yeah, she was our heart. She was my heart and I never told her.” Barry says somberly before composing himself as he wipes the newly fallen tears and turns to Cisco with a smile as he asks. “So, did you guys have any trouble while I was gone?”

“Are you for real? You ask that every time you come back from visiting her. And every time I remind you that you arrive a split second after you’ve left.” Cisco exclaims mock exasperated. 

“So, was that a no, then?” Barry asks back mock confused.

Ignoring Barry’s playful mood with an eye roll; even though he is glad that Barry’s back to his normal self. And is gonna be able to get through the emotional day ahead thanks to his first of two yearly covert visits to Caitlin’s past selves. Visits that he was glad he’d reconsidered after he saw how hard that first year they’d spent without Caitlin had been for Barry. 

“Hardy-har-har, Mr. Chuckles. Come on, we can’t waste any more time we need to get you inside for a shower and a change of clothes. Everyone has been waiting inside for you to come back from your trip and to get ready before we can start heading out to the cemetery before coming back for Frost’s birthday rave.” 

“Yeah, we should. I wouldn’t want to be late.” Barry agreed with a smirk as they turned to head inside when his eyes caught the plaque one last time before he turned to look at Cisco as he listened to Cisco talk nonstop about what Norvok had planned for Frost’s birthday rave. And inside his mind, Barry for the millionth time agreed with the words inscribed on the plaque. They were a reminder that he could rely on the rest of his family and friends even if his biggest support system was gone. 

She may have left him but he wasn’t alone and with his family he could face anything without breaking apart; even her death and the knowledge that he couldn’t bring her back.

Caitlin Snow & Frost 

“The things we see, the things that we face, no one can do this alone. Trying is the biggest mistake that you can make.”

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Well I'm sure I left some pretty vague parts open for possible drabbles or short one-shots. Just let me know if you're interested in me adding to certain areas. Or maybe a short one-shot from Caitlin figuring out how to save Barry and how.


End file.
